January 31, 2007
There are times when I must be reminded why I chose this way of life—why I gave my life to Christ. Sometimes it seems so painfully lonely. I say seems, because I have to believe that I am not truly alone, no matter how deep the space seems to go. There are days when the hardest thing for me to do is to wait—to hold on, and just keep believing. I have to press on, not because I feel like it, but because I refuse to give up. Something tells me that there is a purpose. Something inside of me says that there’s more to it.
I got into my bed last night with my eyes aching and my cheeks still damp from tears. I was reminded why through one sentence: So others may live.
I say why to cover a few degrees of questions:
Lord, why is this life worth it?
Lord, why do you require dying to ourselves?
Lord, why did you die?
I will begin with the latter.
I cannot fathom the work done on the cross. As hard as I have tried, I still do not comprehend either the absolute necessity for a blood atonement to absolve an entire world’s sin, nor the love that would compel a perfect God-man to remain still for the nails to be driven through his hands and feet. Someone once told me, or maybe I read it, that Christ’s love and passion was for the Father’s glory to be shone through His obedience. That is the passion that I desire.
The Father had a reason for his son’s death also: So that others may live.
I truly believe that the human heart has a desire for heroism. Throughout history, there have been men and women that have discovered the meaning of self-sacrifice for the life of another. That is heroism, and our Father knew that when He said that the last would be first. His word is always for His glory, and our good.
My life has not been given to Christ solely for my own benefit. His glory and people’s lives are at stake. I want to take this responsibility very seriously. There has been a lot of pain in the past. My past has made me afraid of so many things. But I don’t want to look back anymore. I want to move forward, chin up in absolute strength of will to do as my commander has ordered.
Father, please provide the strength and heart to lay my life down for your Glory, and for the lives of others..
Can you lay your life down
So a stranger can live
Can you take what you need
But take less than you give
Could you close every day
Without the glory and fame
Could you hold your head high
When no one knows your name
That’s how legends are made
At least that’s what they say
We say goodbye
But never let go
We live, we die
Because you can’t save every soul
Gotta take every chance to
Show that you’re the kind of man who
Will never look back, never look down
And never let go
Can you lose everything
You ever had planned
Can you sit down again
And play another hand
Could you risk everything
For the chance to be alone
Under pressure find the grace
once you come undone
That’s how legends are made
At least that’s what they say
-Bryan Adams-
