Excerpt From the Journal of Haley Carr

An Actual Journal Entry
Very rarely, if ever, do I post entries on a blog that are also in my personal journal since my personal journal is not composed for an audience. I spent a good amount of time writing in a coffee shop today, and once finished with the entry, thought that is was worthy to share with whoever was interested in reading:
"(Delicious cafe americano accompanied by chocolate/almond biscotti. Fabulous!)
I am learning about freedom. Often Christians talk about 'freedom in Christ,' when really they just reside in a different prison. So what does it REALLY mean to be free? Am I tortured because I still fall flat on my face in sin? I shouldn't be, but I am. Sometimes I feel like a child or an animal that has been abused for so long that even under the care and love of a new parent or master, I cringe with fear when I mess up.
God is love. My new master and Father does not love---HE IS love. I John says that perfect love casts out all fear. There is no fear of punishment, rejection, hatred, or condemnation because of my faith in the work accomplished by Jesus Christ, [not to say that there are not consequences for my actions]. I can walk securely knowing that I am His, and that He is good. This does not give me license to sin and be disrespectful or prideful, for that would reflect the heart of an unrepentant criminal with no concern for the one that paid the judge his bail. Instead, it enables me to be transformed into a loving, respectful child that is secure and confident in the arms of a loving Father.
Another picture, used by Paul in Romans, depicts slaves. I think of the Civil War era, and the thousands of men, women, and children who were considered property--unimaginable to my contemporary western mind. Many, though not all, were the items of abusive masters who raped, beat, and tormented them. However, there were people that would purchase the freedom of slaves. Tragically though, some of those freed slaves would choose to remain in the house of their master because of the fear of a new and unknown life was overwhleming. They would rather be tortured souls than risk trying to fly in the open air. The choice was theirs. It seems ludacris to think that a man would CHOOSE to remain in such conditions, but don't I so often do the same thing? Paul referred to himself as a bondservant of Jesus Christ. A bondservant chooses to remain under the guidance and instruction of a master--usually because the master is good to the servant. It is the choice of the servant to submit, because he is free to choose.
Jesus paid for my freedom from a wicked, cruel, tormenting master who I had n o choice but to serve. Jesus paid for my ability to choose to whom I would pledge allegience. I, in my foolishness, will occassionally knock on the door of my former master and ask if he has any orders for me, knowing that for such service, I am paid in shame and torment in my heart and mind. All the while, my new master patiently teaches me how to trust that He will not hurt me, and that He is faithful, good, loving, and just. [Just. He will redeem once and for all the injustices that we see in our own lives, and throughout the world]. In His home, I am not a slave, but an adopted child--fully His. Oh the thought! Father, please safeguard such Truth in my mind and heart! Teach me to understand the beauty of this!
As a child with a deep love and admiration of her Father, I should seek to be identified as part of His family--bearing the family name well and proudly--not out of fear, but rather a response of love. Not fearing that by breaking a 'house rule' that I will be whipped and beaten, but rather because in the security of my Heavenly Father's love, I desire to please Him."