Tears of the Saints

I never thought that I would be at the place that I am now standing. Mixed emotions fill my heart, and I am preparing to embark on a new adventure. The best way to explain it is to say that I imagine it is something similar to standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon, prepared to jump. Terrifying, except that every experience building up to that point was another feather being added to the wings that you did not realize you had been given. It feels like the great crescendo in a piece of music--the bridge that builds to the loudest anthem of the entire song. I feel alive.

In four weeks, I will be on my way to Bangkok, Thailand. While my contract with Global English School is only for one year, I hesitate to say that I will return then. The journey of the past year has taken me from being a young college student to being a woman with a vision. Oh, Lord--grant me your vision and your passion. Your voice to proclaim. Your boldness to stand.

During the months of waiting to hear from GES regarding my possible employment, I began to get involved with Brentwood Church's Global Mission Outreach Team. I was one of a few girls prayerfully researching parts of the world to minister to women and children involved in the sex trafficking industry. Thailand was of key importance. The short time that I was working with the teams I had the opportunity to begin some basic research on the issue at hand. My heart has slowly been stripped of callousses regarding the matter, and this past Sunday, I was broken. The images of women brought me to tears and my knees. Oh, Father. This is too big for me to handle. Jesus, your salvation cries out to these people. I offer my feeble hands to you to do what you will.

I never thought that I would go--that I would be one to leave home, and material luxury for something that I believed in. Terribly honest. Somewhere along the way, I discovered that this is not my home. Oh, Lord. Do not allow me to grasp for this world.

Everything seems to have culminated to this point. Every broken moment, every tear, every change. They were all reasons to run after something greater than myself. Now, as I say good bye to my quaint apartment and current locale, I look ahead to a work that I cannot accomplish, but hope to be a part of.

I pray that I become less and less comfortable living a "comfortable" life. I pray for courage to fight, and not merely stand with weapons loosely girded to my belt.

And so here we go.