Coffee Culture

What is it about a cup of coffee that illuminates the soul? A haunting aroma reunites old friends, and inspires the writer--as some intellectual aphrodisiac seducing the imagination. It is a phenomenon that has preserved conversation in the face of modern complication, and yet somehow, no cosmopolitan is complete without it. For many, it is the local "Cheers," where everybody knows your name. For me, it is a haven--a sanctuary of sorts. I slow down, and savor, and contemplate...and perhaps that is the lure.

Frozen Smiles to Chase Love Away

I, like most people, have been known to plaster a smile and personality on--pretending that I do not want someone to love me. Sometimes the performance is so convincing, that I believe it myself. I want to make a confession to all of you: I need love, and cannot make it on my own.

Neither can you.

I have caught myself looking for something real in people. Sitting in any random place, I might look at a certain person and try to imagine what their life has been like--try to recognize their humanity. There is such beauty in reality.


"Rise before me the signs implore me, 'Help the needy, and show them the way.' Human kindness is overflowing, and I think it's going to rain today."

God is the rain, and I am but a raindrop sent to fall on barren land. He will arise for the sighing of the needy, and set us all in the safety for which we all yearn. (see Psalm 12:5).

Under the influence of serenity

I watched the movie "Crash" a few nights ago. Beyond the foul language, and one lewd scene that was skipped, the movie was enlightening. I appreciated its raw honesty.
Real life was depicted in all its brashness and audacity.

I found myself curled up on the couch, grateful for the hope that I have in Christ--that there is hope. There IS hope. For those pained families that experience that same harsh reality everyday, there is hope. There is healing. Tragically, the prejudices depicted on film are the daily struggles faced by so many.

The longer I live, the more I long for the Lord.

Just this morning, I was overwhelmed by various situations, and all I could think to do was "run" home and be with Him.

"Come here and cry on my shoulder, I'll hold you until it's over. I'll rescue you tonight..."

Dancing under an oak tree

I don't know who wrote this, but I really like it:


"the woman i desire to be
is only part grown not all
i still want to fly above the clouds
breathe under the sea
wish upon shooting stars
and live in my dreams
the woman i stand for
is strong and meek
finds purpose in a daily cup of coffee
puts a childs tears before money
sings at the top of her lungs
finds the little mistakes in life to be funny the woman i choose to be is only part grown not all she still wants to fly above the clouds breathe under the sea wish upon shooting stars and live in her dreams"

Though Prostrate in the Dust

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel

But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner's prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there

Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet

This is a plea. This is a plea to any believer that knows that there is more—more than what we’ve seen. This is to those who want the power of God to overwhelm their hearts. This is to those who believe that God is greater than we’ve made Him out to be. This is to the ones who desire to be a part of the generation that seeks His face—not because He offers the good life, but because He Himself is good.
This is a call. This is a call to the individual trapped in a pew once a week wondering why corporate Christianity is dead. This is a call to be more than a church member, and to enlist in the army. This is a call to passion and vibrancy and exuberant life that can only be found by plugging into the power source. When has a lamp ever shone without first being connected to a source of light?
This is a challenge. This is a challenge to be brave, to be bold, to be dangerous. This is an invitation to stand on the ragged edge of dangerous faith—to leave behind numbers and titles and material and recklessly abandon self for the cause of something greater. This is a challenge to cast off that weight which we have all fell victim to at one point or another—that weight of complacency, fear, hedonism, mediocrity. This is a challenge to let go and truly live what we believe.
I pity my former self—the being that once thought that belief was sufficient. I too once thought that morality was enough to experience the full life God had promised.

My heart still beats for more.
My heart still pounds for more.
More than belief.
More than morality.
More than corporation.
More than a song.
More than clichés.
More than casual prayer.
More than obligation.

More than what we are, because we still somehow missed the mark: God Himself.

He is life.

He is passion.

He is reality—more real than you or me.

He is whole and satisfying.

He is the one we have longed for-- ached for. Not morality or some claim to spirituality—God alone.

Let us now go and seek Him for all He is worth, and move beyond experience and emotion and feeling into the reality of a God, Creator, Savior, Lover, Friend, and Judge who is greater than our own perception.

Let us stand against complacency and shout, “Your face, O God, we will seek.”

Let us charge Hell and allow the Spirit to move among us—to move us.

Let us pursue the passion for which we long.

Oh, God, turn up the heat. Cause our hearts to throb and ache and long for more. Turn us inside out for who you are. Remove the scales from our eyes, and open us up to the world of awe and beauty that you reside in. Forgive our complacency. Forgive our routine. Restore us to the joy and life that You are.

It is the artist
That captures the essence of a flower
Or the splendor of a sunrise
Only an artist can comprehend the depth of starlight
And embrace the imperceptible sensations
Spawned
From touch
And smell
And sound.
The artist grasps life
By living
By experiencing
By being.

I somehow find that you and I collide...

Life is stable right now. I hesitate to say "mundane" simply because the implication is negative, but nothing out-of-the-ordinary is really going on. I wake up every morning, go to work at 8, leave at 5, and hope to make it to the gym...go home, make dinner, watch DLP videos, maybe go out with friends...

I have been craving some independent endeavor: go to a local Bed and Breakfast, go to New York City for a few days in the winter, go on a cruise, go to Italy and study photography in Tuscany for a month, go to Spain for Spring Break... lots of ideas have passed through my head lately. I must get settled into my new townhouse first...one thing at a time. I need to wait for bills to regulate.

I am hungry for passionate existence... to live, laugh, love (a great mantre!)

Sometimes I wonder if I am too independent...too self-reliant. It is perhaps my greatest flaw; I writhe at the thought of asking anyone for help. But by the same token, I adore the freedom to explore and do and see and experience.

I want to absolutely inebriated by this life.

Oh, Lord, please teach me what it means to be alive. Show me yourself in a way that is deeper and bigger than I ever imagined. Thank you for being Life. Thank you for being Energy, and passion, and all that is glorious!!!!

This Porcelain Heart

I had a realization about myself this morning: I do not know how to enter situations without expectation. I do not know how to simply go into the unknown without having my own thoughts of what the outcome should be, what should happen, what should be said, etc. I suppose this comes from my ever present desire for control that the Lord has slowly been stripping me of...or rather showing me that He's in control. It really should be a relief to me that I can release control to the omniscient God that I love and serve, so why is it so hard?

Lord, teach me how to trust you with the outcomes of the mundane events in life. I have entrusted the entirety of my life to you, and now I surrender the everyday encounters, desires, and events of my life to you, deliberately trusting that I don't have to anticipate specific outcomes because you are in charge. Guard my heart against disappointment from my expectations, knowing that you are in control and your will is far better than my expectations could ever be. Protect my heart from jealousy when things don't go "my way" and help me to cling to the hope which is mine through you.

Mother India

Father God, You have shed Your tears for Mother India
They have fallen to water ancient seeds
That will grow into hands to touch the untouchable
How blessed are the poor, the sick, the weak
Father, forgive me, for I have not believed
Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved
Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace
Your Spirit falls on India and captures me in Your embrace
The serpent spoke and the world believed its venom
Now we're ten to a room or compared with magazines
There's a land where our shackles turn to diamonds
Where we trade in our rags for a royal crown
In that place, our oppressors hold no power
And the doors of the King are thrown wide

I looked through a team member's pictures and came across this picture while I was listening to Caedmon Call's "Mother India." I was brought to tears at the memory of this old woman.
Our team had gone about two hours away from Calcutta, and we were at the Christ Mission Ashram seminary. A small group of girls stood near the seminary on a dirt road, when an elderly woman walked with a cane in our direction. We stopped to talk to her, as well as the young women around her. The language barrier made communication difficult, but then the woman took my hand. I hugged her. She held me so tightly and began to weep. I do not know if she was weeping because someone lovingly embraced her freely, or if she was merely overjoyed. The memory of her is haunting. What a joyful, powerful moment in my life.